


Healing

by thealigirl8



Category: Big Bang (Band), SHINee
Genre: M/M, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2013-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-05 12:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealigirl8/pseuds/thealigirl8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Key wanders from man to man, looking for someone to love him for who he is. Sometimes, the best gifts come in small (short) packages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wanderer

Key needed someone to talk to. Like now. He was wandering the streets of Seoul, drunkenly shuffling his feet, waiting for someone to speak to him. Key didn’t want to call any of his close friends; Jinwoon, Nicole, Dongwoon, Amber, Mir, etc. He didn’t want them to know. But then, who could he trust with his secrets? 

After everything he went through with Jonghyun, Key finally thought he found the right guy to help him move on in Hyungseop. But the second Hyungseop had slept with him, he told Key that their relationship would be too much of a “burden” because Key was a celebrity. Key was starting to think that he was only a body; no one really wanted Key for the person he was. So he walked, desperate to talk to someone but not knowing who.

Suddenly, he remembered a show he had been on three years ago. He had hosted the Haha Mong Show before it was cancelled and the very first episode had Daesung and SeungRi as guests. SeungRi had approached him after the show to apologize for being arrogant during the “Strong Baby” promotions and ignoring his promise to Key that they could be friends. The Big Bang member gave Key his number and address, telling the younger man to call or visit whenever he needed a wingman at a party or a shoulder to lean on. That had been a long time ago and Key hadn’t contacted SeungRi since but the man had said “whenever.” 

With this new purpose in mind, Key withdrew his phone from his pocket and flipped through until he found SeungRi’s address. He recalled hearing that he and G-Dragon lived in the same apartment building but had never caught the exact location. Key began the trek to the apartment complex after mapping it out in his head, much happier at the thought of finally being able to vocalize his concerns; he had so much to get off his chest. SeungRi was more a partier than a talker but dancing would take Key’s mind off everything too so it was a win-win situation no matter what happened. 

As he marched, Key’s mind automatically wandered to his years of devotion to Jonghyun and the period of self-destruction that came after. Jonghyun had never thought of Key as anything more than a close friend and Key had deluded himself for years that their love was real. Onew dedicated a great deal of time into convincing Key that Jonghyun was straight. Key never wanted to admit the truth, even when Jonghyun dated Se Kyung, but he was forced to destroy his illusions when he witnessed Jonghyun and Jessica making out in a janitor’s closet. Key couldn’t remember ever running faster in his entire life, desperate to get away from the sight that broke his world. It had taken Key years and a lot of self-reflecting (and not a few one night stands) to move on. When Key had seen his childhood friend again and Hyungseop embraced him like they had never separated, Key had finally thought there was someone who could love him. The way Hyungseop held him and called him “honey” made Key feel like he was the only person in the world. Turns out Hyungseop was more the “love ‘em, and leave ‘em” type and Key was on the brink of another mental breakdown. 

While Key winced in pain at his many memories, his feet had succeeded in delivering him to the apartment doorstep. “Damn,” Key cursed to himself when he realized he had never called to warn SeungRi ahead of time and now here he was at the gate, needing to buzz up to the apartment to unlock the door. He pressed the right number for SeungRi’s unit and shyly declared himself. It wasn’t in Key’s nature to be shy but he was in a rather embarrassing situation, ringing a practical stranger’s bell like this. “Umm, SeungRi hyung, I know it’s kinda late and I never texted you but I really need some alcohol and someone to talk to so could you pretty please let me in.” Key’s words slurred together as he spoke fast enough that an auctioneer would be jealous. Thankfully, SeungRi was feeling generous and soon the door buzzed, allowing Key access to the building. Key dashed up the stairs to SeungRi’s apartment before slowing down, not wanting to appear more desperate than he already did. He knocked on the door, expecting to see a disheveled and pissed SeungRi. Instead he was greeted by the sight of a much quieter man with more defined muscles and kind eyes. 

“SeungRi and Daesung are in Japan right now,” Tae-Yang said, “but you can talk to me if you’d like.” Key simply gazed in disbelief at the sunbae he had never met before and had just disturbed in his own home. “Daesung and I moved in to watch over our naughty maknae but they both abandoned me for a while.” Tae-Yang tried to explain the situation to Key, whose wide-eyed staring was making him self-conscious. Key was too busy trying to accept his current position and really appreciating the tank that left Tae-Yang’s fine arms bare to the eye to realize how uncomfortable he was making the older man. “You sounded kinda distressed over the intercom. You can tell me, you know, I can keep a secret, I promise. Or you don’t have to talk to me….” Tae-Yang trailed off, too shy to continue the one-sided conversation if Key was going to keep staring like that. 

Key finally snapped out of his stupor and couldn’t help asking stupidly “You know who I am?”

Tae-Yang chuckled softly and replied “Who doesn’t? I’m Tae-Yang by the way but you can call me Young Bae since we’re the only ones here.”

Key’s heart melted a little at being introduced by the man’s real name even though they had never met before. “I’m Kibum, then.” 

“Kibum-shi, do you want to come in? If you still want to talk, I mean. We can’t stay in the hallway all night.” Tae-Yang rubbed the back on his neck, not certain how the taller man would respond. 

Key studied the Big Bang member, unsure he should confide such secrets in a stranger he just met. His instincts whispered at him to trust Tae-Yang and Key fell victim to the sincere concern in Tae-Yang’s eyes. “I’m not sure you’re going to want to listen to all of this but I’ll tell you if you want.” He gestured to the apartment and followed the other singer inside. “You got any soju, Young Bae-hyung?” 

Key liked the way the name rolled off his tongue far too much.


	2. Catharsis

As Key entered the flat, he took note of how luxurious and yet comfortable the place appeared. He looked around with appreciation and wonder while Tae Yang crossed to the kitchen to get them drinks. CD’s were scattered everywhere, betraying the owner’s love of music. All of the furniture was designer but the place didn’t look stuffy or contentious; it looked lived in. The couch had indentations from three bodies, the kitchen was filled with a variety of ingredients (more than one would think for a group of guys), and the entertainment station was filled with video games and movies, both foreign and domestic. Key spotted a skateboard, English video lessons, and an impressive camera. The place was so comfortable that he felt welcome in a stranger’s apartment. There were also pictures everywhere; of SeungRi and multiple ladies, of Daesung and Yoo Jae Suk, of Tae-Yang and Hyunseung, of all the boys together, etc. It was easy to see that they all cared deeply for each other. Key stopped at one picture in particular of all the Big Bang members; G-Dragon had possessively wrapped his arm around Tae-Yang’s waist. Were they more than friends? Were they still together? Why did Key even care? He was just here to talk after all but his eyes were drawn to the image. He didn’t like the idea of as kind man as Tae-Yang with someone as slimy as G-Dragon.

Tae-Yang returned with two glasses of ice water and saw Key staring at the photo, mistakenly thinking that Key didn’t like the way his hair was styled now compared to then. Nobody else really liked Tae-Yang’s new frizzy hair except for the man himself. “That was taken three or four years ago now; it’s hard to think that time passes that fast.”

“You and GD seem really close.” Key responded, fishing for more information about their relationship.

“We’ve been together for a long time now, almost nine, eleven years. We started together as trainees; he’s like a brother to me.” He handed a glass to Key. Key raised his eyebrows at the presence of non-alcoholic water, secretly pleased with the answer. Tae-Yang caught the expression and explained, “You’re here to talk, aren’t you? Words aren’t generally needed when I’m drunk.” Key’s eyebrows went up a little bit higher at the insinuation but followed Tae-Yang over to the couches when the shorter man gestured. “Now tell me everything.”

Key sighed as he dropped down onto the comfy couch, Tae-Yang seated across from him on a matching chair. “I don’t even know where to start,” he confessed.

“Think of your current problem then trace it back to the origin.”

Key paused, hesitating once more. He wasn’t sure how Tae-Yang would react, if he would hate him or be disgusted or pretend to understand. He decided to take a chance since he was already in the man’s house. “Well, first of all, I’m gay. That’s kinda important to the story.”

Tae-Yang blinked once at the startling admission before flashing a shy smile and responding, “I know. Daesung saw you making out with Dongwoon once.” Key inhaled sharply, making a mental note that he would have to be more careful next time. On the upper hand, Tae-Yang hadn’t sounded too surprised by the concept. He continued, “I am too, you know. Gay, I mean.” At this, Key’s head snapped up, his heart singing with joy and his mind telling him that he shouldn’t be attracted to someone else so quick, not after everything that had happened. After an awkward pause, as Key didn’t know what to say, Tae-Yang reminded him of his story. “So I guess this is about a guy, huh?”

And Key told him. He told Tae-Yang everything: about his obsession with Jonghyun, about his multiple, multiple one night stands, about his short affair with Hyungseop, and even about his belief that everyone just saw him as a body to be fucked and nothing else. Hours passed before Key was done talking and Tae-Yang had listened patiently to the whole thing. He hadn’t interrupted Key once. When Key starting choking up about Jonghyun, he crossed the floor to sit next to the distraught boy. When Key emptied his glass, he went and got him some more without being asked. Most importantly, when Key began crying, Tae-Yang gathered the fragile boy up in his arms and held him like Tae-Yang would protect Key from the world if he had to.

“But Key-shi, you’re an amazing person. You’re smart and you’re funny and you’re not afraid to be yourself. You are the bravest person I’ve ever met.” Tae-Yang finally broke his silence to comfort the man with the truth. “If those guys can’t see that then it’s their loss.”

Key smiled through his tears and said “I thought I told you to call me Kibum.” He was deflecting but it was also important to him somehow that Tae-Yang acknowledge him for who he was truly, not for his image.

“Then, Kibum-shi, did you hear what I said? Remember it. You are not just some body, you’re a person who deserves so much more than that.” Tae-yang smiled down at Kibum, trying to communicate his sincerity with his eyes. He touched their foreheads together lightly. Kibum sniffled and really tried to wrap his mind around the concept but months of being proved otherwise couldn’t be beaten by one man’s words, although those words were putting up one hell of a fight. They sat in that position for a long time, taking comfort in each other’s presence. Neither wanted to move out of the realm they had created for themselves on that couch. Their world wasn’t perfect but it was warm and kind and healed both of their damaged hearts a little.

After an hour or so, Tae-Yang started to notice Kibum’s eyes drooping and knew they couldn’t fall asleep like that. “Kibum-shi, I think we should probably go to bed now. You can sleep here tonight. Daesung’s bed is free.” Key was grateful Tae-Yang hadn’t offered up SeungRi’s bed. He absolutely refused to sleep there without washing the sheets. Multiple times. With bleach.

“Are you sure, Tae-Yang hyung? I can make it home.”

“Youngbae,” the older man corrected with a stern tone. There was no need for stage names between the two of them. “And there’s no way I’m letting you go home tonight. Jessica might be at the dorm again,” referring to the traumatic incidences when Kibum had to listen to the two of them go at it like monkeys in heat.

Kibum grinned sleepily but protested once more, “I don’t have any of my stuff.”

“We have extra toothbrushes and Daesung has enough skin care products to fuel an army of housewives.”

Kibum giggled at the image and finally gave in. “I have no pajama’s though.”

“You can just wear some of mine.” Youngbae had the final word on the subject and headed down the hall to his room to grab his guest some night wear.

Kibum stood rooted to his spot, happy to spend more time with the man but still confused that he didn’t want to sleep with him. It would take Kibum some time to really regenerate his self-worth. He was thrilled at the thought of being cloaked in the other singer’s clothing, covered in Youngbae’s comforting scent. When Youngbae returned, he handed Kibum a baggy shirt, some basketball shorts and a spare toothbrush. Then he showed the SHINee member his temporary room and the bathroom. When Kibum had changed into just the shirt and walked out to thank his host for his kindness, Youngbae had blushed at the gratitude (and the younger man’s state of undress) and kissed Kibum’s forehead. Kibum went to bed that night with a fluttering tummy and a content heart. He felt at home and welcome for the first time in a long time.


	3. Pancakes

Youngbae was woken from his dreams by a body crawling into his bed. Half-asleep, he assumed it was Daesung needing someone to comfort him. “Have another nightmare?” he asked, worried about his close friend. 

“Mm-mm. I just thought maybe I should pay you back somehow.” Youngbae sat up quickly at the hands brushing down his chest to remove his boxers and the voice that definitely wasn’t Daesung. Key blinked up at him. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Youngbae stared down wildly at Key.

"I thought that I should thank you. Why? Don't you want me?"

"Kibum shi, I thought we had just finished talking about how you weren't a sex object." Key just looked at Youngbae, unable to comprehend that somebody didn't want to sleep with him. Youngbae sighed deeply, thinking to himself that this boy was going to need more help than he had thought. "Why don't you just go back to your bed for now?" With this, Youngbae gently nudged Key off his bed. The SHINee member seemed dazed but nodded his head full of mused hair and headed back to his temporary room.

He had woken an hour or so before deeply disturbed. Key couldn't sleep once he began to wonder if maybe he should repay Youngbae in some way for his kindness. He had nothing to give except his body but Key was definitely experienced in the bedroom. The more he thought about it the more it seemed utterly rude to barge into the older man’s house, talk his ear off, and then sleep in his house without even a thank you blowjob or a gratitude fuck. Key had thought to himself "What if he's waiting for me right now? What if he was expecting me to come to him right away? Oh my god, what if he's disappointed in or disgusted with me?" With all these thoughts rattling around in Keys head, he decided to go show his appreciation for the man, ignoring Youngbae’s own words just hours ago and the logical side of his mind telling me that Youngbae wasn't like that. Key never could have imagined that someone would actually kick him out of bed; Key knew he was too much temptation even for the most controlled men. 

“Otokay! I was wrong. What do I do now? He looked so disappointed in me….” Key’s thoughts were filled with concerns about Youngbae once again. He was so busy wondering how to make Youngbae proud of him that he forgot all about Jonghyun and Hyungseop. His meeting with Youngbae was definitely an accident but Key wanted to stay with the Big Bang member because he made him feel safe. He wanted to draw smiles from Youngbae and be by his side to help out the other man too. Most of all, Key wanted to be himself around Youngbae. He wanted to be Kibum and he trusted Youngbae not to abuse that privilege. He wasn’t sure if he should go back and apologize or just sleep in his separated room. The SHINee member didn’t think their relationship would survive if they went to bed awkward like this. Kibum decided to go with his first instinct and turned around to run back to the comforting presence of Youngbae. 

When he entered the room for the second time, the older man grunted and said “Kibum, we already talked about this.”

Kibum crawled into bed and replied, “I know. Can I just sleep here with you?” He knew he was asking a lot but Youngbae needed to understand that he regretted his earlier actions. 

There was a long awkward silence before Youngbae whispered, “I don’t want just your body, you know. That’s hot, too, but I wasn’t lying when I said you deserve more. I would never take advantage of you like that.” The man sounded like he was insulted that Kibum thought so low of him. Kibum wasn’t sure how to express himself without physical contact and he was having a hard time thinking anyway since Youngbae said he was attractive. 

“I know.” Kibum pecked Youngbae on the cheek really quickly so the shorter man couldn’t turn away, then flipped over to lay on his other side, away from Youngbae. “Good night.” Kibum grinned when he heard Youngbae clear his throat before replying in kind. They fell into dreamland quickly, not touching but aware and reassured by the other’s presence.

Youngbae woke up many hours later to the smell of pancakes permeating the entire apartment. He frowned in confusion before realizing that it had to be Kibum. The man had stuck around after waking and was even making breakfast. Youngbae grinned like a village idiot and threw an arm over his eyes in happiness. He knew he looked like a fool but he didn’t care. He and Kibum might have something special going on here and Youngbae was for sure ready to give it a chance. He padded out on bare feet to the kitchen to discover Kibum humming to himself while cooking, an activity he looked quite familiar with. Youngbae noticed how much happier Kibum looked now than yesterday and his chest swelled with pride thinking it was himself who brought that change in the attractive man. 

Kibum swirled around when he noticed Youngbae simply watching him. “You’re awake! Breakfast isn’t finished yet but I was thinking afterwards we could maybe go shopping?” 

Youngbae chuckled, having heard of Kibum’s shopping habits and replied, “You mean like a date? It might depend on how good those pancakes are.”

“We can call it our first date, even though we have already slept together.” Kibum winked at the suddenly very flushed man. “And I’ll have you know that my cooking is always fantastic.”

“Well then, I guess I’ll have to force you to cook for me more often.” Youngbae grinned cockily at the thought and Kibum took that moment to quickly brush their lips together before dashing back to the stove to check the pancakes. “Oh no, you’re not getting away with that again.” Youngbae snatched the younger man’s arm before he could complete a full escape and pulled his body toward him. He grasped the back of Kibum’s head, playing with the hairs behind his neck and looking into his eyes before leaning forward to properly align their lips. 

Kibum closed his eyes and happily accepted the kiss for what it was; a soft conveyal of mutual feelings and attraction. Kibum’s arms were around Youngbae’s waist to claim the man as his own and Youngbae’s hands were cupping Kibum’s face to keep him centered in this moment right now, not the painful past. It was their first real kiss and Kibum’s first kiss that wasn’t foreplay to sex. Their lips fit together like they were designed to be as one. There were no dramatic fireworks in the background, just the smell of the pancakes burning, but both thought it was the best kiss they ever had and the first of many between the two. They could see their future together through this one soft kiss. It was perfect.


End file.
